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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Training for the Big Day (part 1)


Well, the 2011 Unfamily Picnic is just a few weekends away. So it's a good time to get yourself in shape for the events of the day. Here are some useful training tips.

BACON
You'll need to have your insides properly calibrated to enjoy the Unfamily Picnic's assortment of food. Bacon, as any scientist worth his nitrates will tell you, is the perfect food to do just that. Have a few slices at breakfast, a BLT for lunch and a bacon smoothie for dinner. Sensible and delicious.

WEIGHT LIFTING
Tossing horseshoes once a year is strenuous work. Warm up in the weeks ahead by tossing various items and getting your horseshoe arm in tournament condition. Start with things like rolled up socks, advance to heavier items like bowling balls, and finally, suitcases filled with cinder blocks. Because there is nothing as humiliating as emitting a loud grunt only to see your horseshoe land in a cloud of dust midway between the two pegs.

CHAIR UNFOLDING
Those folding chairs are not as easy as they look. A pinched finger makes it difficult to hold donuts, too. So spend a little time practicing unfolding and folding your chairs prior to Picnic Day.

COOLER TUGGING
If you advance to the cinder blocks in the suitcase level of weight lifting as described previously, no ice chest of any dimension will present a problem.

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